An Interview with Joni Ong, Mother of Five and Co-founder of I Love Children
Two is Company, Three is A Crowd.
There might be the view some Singaporeans have on family, life, looking at the considerably low fertility rate of 1.20 Singapore had in 2011, but for Joni Ong, seven is a party!
Having five children has brought much joy to Joni’s home. Back in 2005 while full-time in the workforce albeit in a telecommuting arrangement, a friend asked Joni to join and lead a group of like-minded individuals to grow a children-plenty and children-friendly Singapore.
At that time, Joni’s children were still in school — twins Kristi and Kathi in secondary three, Liz in secondary two, Emme in primary six and Jonathan in grade four (nine years old; he attends the Singapore American School because of his dyslexia). It was a time of enjoying the fun aspects of parenting like discovering new shopping and eating places together, exercising together, and sharing daily activities and debating current issues through dinner chats as a family.
Out of her love for children and a desire to equip others in the journey of parenthood—Joni said yes to the idea, and I Love Children* was born. The voluntary welfare organisation seeks to keep “Singapore young by advocating a higher priority to having children, and promoting a society where children are loved and mainstreamed”.
They have done this through a roving I Love Children bus which anyone around can hop on and learn about parenting, events for couples and events for families, and lunchtime talks, among other activities.
We asked Joni to share with us from her experience, about how children can be nurtured.
Halogen360 (H360): How can values be inculcated from young?
Joni Ong (JO): Values must be inculcated from young; children do what children see. It is up to us parents and care-givers such as domestic helpers or grandparents to be the role models. A value is an enduring belief that a specific behaviour is personally and/or socially acceptable.
If we believe in the value of honesty, then even as we teach our children through stories and lessons learned from the television, we must actually behave honestly in all our interactions and transactions. A simple act of “Tell the caller I am not home!” when the phone rings asking for you (and you are home!) is enough to contradict all we “preach” about honesty where the children are concerned.
I personally believe in the power of story-telling and objective discussions on sensitive issues like abortion and premarital sex to plant values in my children. As our family is bound as a community of faith, biblical truths are also entwined in the teachings of social behaviour at home.
“Values must be inculcated from young; Children do what children see. it is up to us parents and care-givers such as domestic helpers or grandparents to be the role models.” – Joni Ong, Parent of five
H360: What are some values you think are essential to inculcate? Why those values?
JO: Each family will have its own traditions and habits which are the building blocks of the next generation’s character and emotional behaviour. We are Christians and Chinese; so values paramount to us are: Love and fear of God; love and protection of family. Deeply entrenched within each of us, these two values in turn lead to behaviour supporting values such as integrity, love of others, compassion, caring for others, responsibility and self- discipline.
H360: In today’s increasingly relative world with more greys than black and whites, how do you empower your children to make the right choices? Is there a values framework you create?
JO: I don’t have a framework per se. What my husband and I share is respect for each other and the children as individuals. We have brought them up with the utmost love only parents can give, with as much fun and laughter that can come only if we do not take ourselves so seriously.
From a young age, each child has been slowly but steadily “unleashed” to make their own decisions about schedules. For example, what television programmes to watch given her daily 1.5 hour allowance, what to order when we eat out, what to wear on special occasions, what subjects to study based on strengths and interests, what course and what university to apply for and which boy to bring to the prom!
When certain decisions lead to outcomes not so desired or worse still, broken hearts, we as a family openly discuss and empathise. Nothing is secret within the family; even Jonathan — the youngest sibling’s — views are sought by his sisters on matters of the heart. It is amazing to hear him spouting advice to his older sisters on how to attract the right kind of guy and how to keep him interested!
We are grateful thus for having five children who are close to each other, who look out for each other and are always there for each other. They are empowered to think and act independently within the constraints of consideration and love for each other and others within their own sphere of influence.
H360: In Singapore, some parents believe teachers should bear the responsibility of bringing up their kids, while some teachers believe otherwise. How can teachers and parents work together to raise the next generation of leaders — our children, and enjoy themselves while they’re at it?
JO: Bringing up children is the parents’ responsibility. No two ways about it. The school ethos and teachers are the second line upholders of values for our children — they help to reinforce what the parents have inculcated at home.
An example is that of discipline in the oft-complained minefield of homework. My son’s school views homework not as revision of what was taught in classroom and not to give extra work, but to inculcate self-discipline. When he was 8 and 9 years old, homework was very structured — 15 minutes to do this Mathematics sheet, 20 minutes to read that article, and parents had to sign off upon completion. It is not about so much work that they have to take a few hours to complete, as more so to finish an amount of work within a set time.
This helps them as they grow older about how they use their time in a structured manner and how they prioritise their work given a specific timeframe. From young, I did not have to nag Jonathan about his homework — he was helped by his teachers to appreciate the value of homework in his development as a disciplined student and future leader.
During parent-teacher meetings, while we discuss and celebrate strengths of our children, we should also be open to the areas that our children can improve. What helps us is goal-setting with the children on the improvement areas. Together with the teacher, Jonathan writes action plans for improving his writing skills (for example) and I sign on the plan to commit my support to him as he works on this area.
It is a collaboration. It is a partnership. But ultimately, we as parents are responsible for the upbringing of our children into the best persons they can be.
“Bringing up children is the parents’ responsibility. No two ways about it. The school ethos and teachers are the second line upholders of values for our children—they help to reinforce what the parents have inculcated at home.” – Joni Ong, Parent of five
H360: What delights you most about your own children?
JO: Everything. Their humour, their world views, their compassion and their competitive spirit. Each is different; therein lies the strength of the five of them—each complements the other in the support and protection of each other and the family unit.
Article by Faith Jinghui Luo
*Find out more about I Love Children at www.ilovechildren.org.
