By Jermaine Tan, Community Executive at Halogen
Dear 15-year-old me, your mid-20s were not what you expected. This was not the adulthood that you envisioned. You did not become the famous ice cream seller that your 5-year-old self wished to be – neither did you become a zookeeper.
Dear 15-year-old-me, transitioning into adulthood was the scariest yet most exciting experience. You saw a lot of growth – from that awkward prepubescent stage of figuring out who you were, to a young lady who now knows what style she likes. (And no, you do not like skinny jeans.)
Dear 15-year-old-me, growing up, your 24-year-old self has had her regrets and fair share of mistakes. Here are some words of advice she has for you:
Network and expand your community
“I hate networking,” you used to hear me say. I thought of networking as a ‘dirty’ word – a sign of an exploitative and inauthentic experience. For an introvert like me, networking can sometimes be really overwhelming and draining, something that is way out of my comfort zone.
Looking back, as I #adult, I can better appreciate the benefits of building networks. Networking helps me to get the most outreach with the least effort. Networking is not about consuming or taking advantage of people. Rather, it’s about collaboration and helping one another to reach our full potential. One thing that really benefitted me through all the networking sessions was that I was able to build my self-confidence and lift my self-esteem. As I was ‘forced’ to make more connections and talk with more individuals, I started to feel that over time, the conversations got easier and less pressurising. Being acquainted with talking to those in the corporate world, the skills that I developed from networking helped me during my interview processes for internships, as I naturally felt more comfortable talking about myself and interacting with others. As much as I hated it when I was younger, networking ultimately helped me both professionally and personally, as I grew from someone who was shy and afraid to make small talk, to someone who became more confident of herself today.
Develop good habits that set you up for success
When we’re young, we think that we have all the power in the world to do anything we want as adults. Ironically, once you’re actually #adult, you realise that having so much power is useless, as you simply do not have the time to use it. Hence, time is a big factor in adulting, and one way to maximise it is to develop good habits. After all, as Jim Ryun ( former Olympian) says, motivation is what gets you started, but habit is what keeps you going.
In fact, positive habits do not just benefit my life, in terms of me achieving my goals, it also helps to reduce stress and anxiety by offering a degree of structure and predictability to my everyday life. This was also supported by Elizabeth Barlow, who is a licensed independent clinical social worker in Massachusetts, and founder of Barlow Counseling Group.
Here are 2 habits that really helped me when i started #adulting and I encourage you – my 15 year-old self, to cultivate:
Number 1: Get on a good sleep schedule.
As human beings, we all need structure and routine in our lives. As such, the very first thing I did was to ensure that I sleep at around the same time each day and clock in at least the minimum hours required. I learnt this the hard way while I was studying back in Polytechnic, where I attended my 8am classes and then stayed in school to hang out with my friends until 11pm, resulting in me only reaching home at around 1am. This cycle continued for weeks. By the time I hit my examination periods, my body crashed and I could not perform to the best of my abilities. Apart from the burnout, I was also constantly stressed or moody and had a difficult time concentrating in school. I was not learning things my lecturers were teaching me because I always felt tired and restless. Soon after, I realised it was due to sleep deprivation. Therefore, this is what I deem to be the most important habit to cultivate.
Number 2: Find a healthy outlet that helps you destress
Another thing I learnt when I was older is that everyone needs an outlet to destress, and that it is important to find and acknowledge that. However, outlets can be unhealthy or healthy. For the longest time, I engaged in an unhealthy outlet of binge eating. Whenever I had peak seasons of back-to-back assignments or during examination week, I turned to food for comfort. On average I would be having about 5 to 7 meals a day, and snacking in between meals. Obviously, this had an impact on my overall physical well-being and health – I gained quite a bit of weight, and always felt tired. Eventually, the weight gain became an issue as well where I started to feel insecure. That was when I drew the line and tried to source for alternative ways to destress and my friend introduced me to yoga. Yoga made me feel good about myself and is a great way to get the feel-good energy flowing, and to manage stress caused by your work. Hence, as we navigate what are our outlets for de-stressing, it is also important to note whether they are healthy or unhealthy ones. As seen from my example, unhealthy outlets could end up backfiring and cause more stress to oneself.
Do what you wanted to do when you were a child
Don’t be afraid to accomplish your childhood dreams. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back, it’s easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. This was a realisation that I wished I could have reached sooner.
At the twilight of their lives, most people had not honoured even half of their dreams, and had to pass away knowing that it was due to choices they had made, and the ones they didn’t. I’m not saying that one should stop chasing a decent paying job to follow one’s fantasy of selling ice cream by the roadside, but to take conscious steps toward realising their goals.
Sometimes, this can look like taking alternative routes to fulfill your dreams. In my case, I took on a part-time role at an ice-cream parlour as a university student. While this wasn’t exactly the same as selling ice cream and rainbow-bread sandwiches at a roadside cart, it still gave me the experience of scooping and selling ice cream, with the added bonus of being able to enjoy the fresh smell of waffle cones from time to time. I took the same approach to my childhood dream of becoming a zookeeper, opting instead to volunteer my weekends at an animal shelter.
These were deliberate efforts I made to fulfill my childhood ambitions.
Dear 15 year old me, you saw your mind and body grow alongside each other, evolving to achieve your full potential, and moulding you into the person you are today.
Growing up was tough, but the challenges you faced were all part and parcel of life. You are now doing what your older self wanted to do: to work with youths, and share your teenage experiences and stories with them.
Dear 15-year-old me, I do hold my fair share of regrets. But even though looking back fills me with remorse, I know I did the best that I could at that time.
Dear 15-year-old me, you have a full journey ahead of you. I hope you can apply what 24-year-old me has learned to your everyday life. The road ahead is long, but the ride is worth it. Trust your instincts; you will find your way.
Dear 15-year-old me, today you are looking quite different, both inside and out. You probably did not expect to turn out this way; you would be surprised but proud at the same time. At 24, I am as happy as I can be, and these lived experiences help me to look forward to each and every new day! I promise that I will continue moving forward, and keep you close. Cheers to me, and you: to the past, present, and future.
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